Anti-Resolution Resolution

            I never make News Year's Resolutions.  Do you want to know why?  Because I hate making empty promises that I can’t keep.  Now I know what you are all thinking.  "You mean those empty promises you make to keep posting on your blog when you don't?"  I know!  But you what?  I've come to terms with it.  Yes, I love this blog and I hope people enjoy reading what I have to say.  But in all honesty, there are more important things than this blog in my life.  With college coming up and all the other junk that is filling my life, I just don’t have time.  One day, this blog will be amazing.  Of that, I have no doubts, but for now, I am willing be patient, a new skill I am trying out as of late.

            Back to New Year's resolutions… Every year, never fail, someone asks me if I plan on making any New Year's resolutions.  Every year, I say no.  This may seem pessimistic to you guys, but think about it.  If I never make any promise I will not be able to follow through on, then I will not in any way be failing.  It is saving me the disappointment of knowing I failed to follow through on something.

            I have yet another problem with these so called breakthrough promises.  Why do we need a special day to attempt to make any positive change in our lives.  Shouldn't these changes come about the same the desire for change is thought of?  Apparently not.  Everyone simply HAS to wait until every other person is making the same change.  Are we so unable as humans to find confidence in our own desire for change that we can't make it without knowing there are others doing the same thing?

            In conclusion, I am making an anti-resolution resolution.  My one and only New Year's Resolution is this: I vow to never make a New Year's resolution.  If I desire to make any sort of change in my life, I will make it when and how I please.  Take that world conformity!

P.S.- With the turn of the New Year, many of you may be counting down the days until the so called end of the world.  I, on the other hand, will be counting down the days until I can make fun of the idiocy of the those of you who actually believe it.

How Old is Too Old?

            Halloween has a always been a much celebrated holiday filled with creative costumes, spooky decorations, and kids far too hyped on candy.  What isn't to love about it?

            As children, we spent the weeks preceding Halloween delicately planning the special night: preparing the perfect costume, mapping out routes to the best candy houses and deciding which of our friends and family we wanted to scare.  That one frivolous night with friends and family was something we looked forward to all year long.

            Then at some point in our lives, we realized trekking these miles in search of candy wasn't really worth it and we gave up the jocular evening.  As the years passed, we  began to pass Halloween off as "kid stuff" and many consider high school students, like ourselves, to be "too old" to go trick-or-treating.  Too old?  Since when has there been an age limit on fun?

            Granted, some teens still posses the self confidence to step out on the streets in a hilarious outfit on a quest to get candy.  However, the majority of teens feel awkward doing such things and subject themselves to the peer pressure of high school; a pressure which drives us to be popular and cool.  These two words seem to be a major problem with society today.  Those two elusive statuses should not be worth the sacrifice of fun.

            However, we are not the only guilty party. Teenagers are not the only ones who place age restrictions on the holiday.  Adults also consider us to be too old to involve ourselves in such immature events.  They discourage teens from going out and trick-or-treating.  This idea is based on the stereotype that teenagers will only get into trouble.  Some cities have actually imposed bans on children over the age of 12 going trick or treating.

            However, many don't seem to understand the concept that trick-or-treating gives teens something harmless to do.  Is it really a city's place to take away our childhood tradition?
           So I say, get out there!  Show your creative side and make your own costume (unless you really want to go as a slutty fairy).
                                            
   Come on, do you really want to look like this?                                Seriously, this is way cooler.

Go door to door with your friends gathering candy from generous neighbors. With adulthood and the pressures that go with it bearing down upon us, we must remember to enjoy the "childish" things in life while we can.  Hang on to those blissful childhood traditions and retain that playful spirit in life.  Adulthood is forever, but childhood is only temporary.

No Excuses

Before any of you say anything, I'm sorry.  I know I haven't posted in nearly two months, and I won't make excuses.  It's summer, meaning I should have time to do totally pointless stuff like writing a blog.  Any normal person would have time for it.  Unfortunately, we have already established I am anything but normal.  Hence, my summer has been filled working 3 jobs (one of which I don't even get paid to do), preparing for college, and satisfying my obsessive compulsive disorder by organizing everything I see.  Yes, I am sick.  But I'm not making excuses.

However, I do feel the need to point out another reason I haven't posted in so long.  I am continually coming up with new ideas for blog posts and as I write them down in numerous lists, I find myself becoming more and more overwhelmed by the many potentially awesome posts in my future.  Then I begin thinking that I have no time and often no inspiration to finish them and they will hence suffer and turn out to be considerably less awesome than I had originally imaged them.  This foresight only discourages me from writing these posts.  Have I ever told you my worse fear is failing?  So, by not writing, I can't fail.  Sure I'm letting fear win, but I'd rather lose (and this reminds me, for all you players of The Game out there, including you Poncho, I lost), than fail.  And again, these aren't excuses.

However, I've decided to start writing again in attempts to get caught up on my ideas.  As much as I hate to admit it, I feel the need to give my overbearing friend and constant presence on this blog, Poncho, some slight credit in this decision.  His incessant, irritating reminders have driven me close to the blink of insanity (and by that I mean closer than I already am).  So, here you are Poncho.  I hope this declaratory post is enough to satisfy you.  I kept my promise and I will keep posting in the near future.

In fact, I'm going to go start another post right now.  If I'm lucky and I managed to stay focused, I may even get it done tonight.  Cheerio much appreciated readers (yeah I need to think of a better pet name for my readers.  Any ideas?)

The Cheese Project

I am addicted to cheese.  That's all there is to it.  It's like a drug for me.  I come home from work, open the fridge, and decide I can eat a small slice of cheese to tide me over until dinner.  I eat my slice, instantly craving another as I finish it.  So I slice another and another and another (you get the picture) until I have no more cheese to eat.  I then go into hungry withdrawal periods until I am able to eat dinner.  This is me:

In order to save others from this harmful, addicting drug, I'm launching a campaign, which begins right here on this blog.  You know those meth ads you see every where?  Yes, the scary ones that make you not want to go to sleep at night.  Well, meth is nothing compared to cheese.  This is the official start of the Cheese Project.

Facebook Rulebook

Facebook has officially taken over the world. For centuries people have dreamt of world domination and failed miserably. Well, Mark Zuckerberg, you did it. You achieved what millions have failed to do. Congratulations on your invention that may well be the downfall of society and the human race. We're all very proud of you.

But I'm not writing this post to complain about Facebook. That would make me hypocritical. I, like 90% of people out there (even old people, which kind of freaks me out), use Facebook, though my addiction is significantly less severe than so many out there. I can easily live without Facebook with a small amountof self control, something most cannot say.

Though I use this site, I can't pretend that things (and people) on it don't annoy me. Since Facebook is taking over the world, I've decided there needs to be rules established for this kingdom to prevent such annoying anarchy. Therefore, I have come up with a list of rules for Facebook. You must all now follow them, or face my wrath.

There are five main components that make up Facebook, and each has their own rules.

The Profile Picture: The profile picture is major component of Facebook, considering modern society places so much importance on appearance.

1. I cannot tell you how many times I have looked at pictures of people (mostly girls, but this does not exclude you guys!) taken by themselves in the bathroom mirror. Come up with something better! It is really that hard to walk outside and point the camera at yourself? I've learned more about peoples' bathrooms from those pictures that their appearance. And FYI… fluorescent lighting makes you look green.

2. Guys- DO NOT make your profile picture one of your flexing. No, you don't look "buff" and it does not make others think you are cool. It also does not make girls think you're hot. You just look like a douche.

The Status: The Status is perhaps the most important aspect of Facebook. It is a gateway into your thoughts and life. A bad status can change the way people view you. Therefore, it has many rules.

1. Don't post vague statuses. I hate when people write something like, "Something really exciting happened today!" Yeah…. Soooooo? WHAT WAS IT? Seriously, don't post something if you're not going to tell others what it's about. If you don't want people to know details, then you probably shouldn't post anything about it on Facebook at all.

2. Be intelligent. I now this can be difficult for many of you out there, but please try. By intelligent, I don't mean that you have to say some sort of deep profound epiphany that will go down as history in the philosophy books. Just put some thought it what you say. Make sure others will actually care what you say and please, please, please spell it right! I'll give you a hint: If you aren't so good at spelling, Google Chrome has spell check for everything you type. There is no excuse for stupid misspelled words. Also, don't use text abbreviations. Don't say lol or 2 or anything like that. They're bad enough on cell phones. Don't let them invade computers.

3. Post things that summarize your day or a specific profound event. Don't tell us a menial aspect of your day like, "Brushing my teeth. Minty! Hahahaha!" We don't care about every little second of your life. I sure don't go no Facebook saying, "I wonder if so and so if eating dinner right now. I wonder what they’re having. I really hope they posted!" In fact, no one really cares about you say period. They read it because it's there. So please spare your friends of the dumb constant meaningless updates. That's what Twitter is for.

4. Control the number of times a day you post. Obviously if someone looks at your wall and see you've updated your status 5 times already, they are left with the obvious conclusion that you have no life. I know some of you don't, but you don't need to unknowingly advertise it by constantly doing things on Facebook. Limit your status updates to once, maybe twice, a day.

5. Don't post inside jokes as your status. Those are reserved for walls specifically. If you want to share an inside joke with a friend, post it on their wall. If you put it as your status, chances are they won't even see it. Hate to break it to you but your activity only shows up on about 30% of your friends' news feed. By the way, did you know that 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot? Anyway, please don't post statuses that will not serve their purpose and simply confuse all others who read it.

6. If you post a quote, post something either deep and thoughtful, or genuinely humorous. This goes the same for song lyrics. No one needs to read lyrics like, "My lip gloss brings all the boys to the yard." I think everyone can live without ever hearing or even reading that.

Pictures: Pictures are the third most crucial component of Facebook. They are it's visual and, considering we like in a scoiety of illiteral people who focus entirely on the visual aspect of everything, you need good pictures. This is 90% of all people: "Hey, words! I wonder what they say. Ooooh! Pictures! Let's look at those instead." Even if you are the most intelligent person which you demonstrate in your statuses, one dumb picture can ruin it all. Thus, here are some rules:

1. Don't post provocative pictures. This is the worst thing you can possibly do. It makes you look trashy and skanky. Most people don't realize that colleges and employers often look at Facebook profiles. Bad pictures can completely ruin your chances of getting hired to accepted to a college. Besides, do you really want creepy people looking at such pictures? Not likely.

2. Don't post drunken party pictures of you acting stupid. This goes for the same reasons as above.

3. Don't post bad pictures of friends. They will hate you. Granted, sometimes friends still get angry for pictures you post that they think look bad that really don't look bad. Use your judgment in such cases. If you think it looks bad, chances are everyone else will, too.

4. Don't call yourself a photographer on your albums just because you were screwing around with a camera and got a few good pictures. This does not make you qualified as a photographer. It will only annoy those of us that are who have actually studied it and made a business out of it.

Apps: Apps can be a fun aspect of Facebook if youa re bored. However, not everyone has time to play on such games. Therefore, DO NOT send requests to other to "join me on your farm!" We don't want to! And even if we did, we may not have time so by flaunting that you have time to play games, you're pretty much slapping us in the face. It's a way of saying "Haha, your life sucks." But most the time, we just don't want to play stupid meaningless, pointless games. We would rather be doing something productive so stop sending requests. And please don't answer questions either. Most people don't care if you think they look good in a bathing suit. Not to mention the fact that an offensive answer on such applications can give you enemies for life.

Friends: What would Facebook be without friends? Nothing. You would be a lonely soul posting things for no one only pretending like people care. Gee, kind of sounds like blogging. Hmm... Anyhow, friending is also a fine art to master in the concept of Facebooking.

1. Don't confirm friend requests from people you don't know. Can we say Facebook stalker?

2. Vice versa, don't friend request people you don't know. Then you become the stalker. If you're going to stalk, be discrete about it.

3. Don't accept requests from people you KNOW you don't like or find annoying. This simply means that you will end up seeing all of their annoying posts that will make you want to rip your hair out as you read them.

4. Lastly, and most importantly, DO NOT friend your parents. I think we can all understand why on this one without explanation.

So there you have it: The Official Guide to Facebook. Follow it or I will find you and hunt you down on Facebook.

Now, as a fun little bonus, I put together a list of signs to tell if you or someone else is Fobsessed (Get it? Facebook Obsessed- Fobsessed? Okay, it's not that funny).

You know you're Fobsessed when you…

1. Facebook stalk on a daily basis

2. Update your status more than two times a day.

3. Go into withdrawal period where you have uncontrollable seizures when you must go a day without Facebook.

4. Have over 500 friends. I mean come on, it's not like you're actually friends with that many people. That many people don't seriously like you. They just accept your friend request because they are tired of ignoring it as you keep requesting them.

5. Actually play the dumb games like Farmville.

6. Take more than 4 quizzes a week.

I could come up with a lot more signs that your Fobsessed, but that whole ADHD thing is completely killing me right now. I might come back and add more later. But I'm curious to know if you guys are Fobsessed. Let me know in my comments on this post. This should be a fun experiment.

UPDATE: There's a great website out there that lets you see just how dumb people can be on Facebook. Use their mistakes as a learning experience. It's www.failbook.com. Enjoy!

There Goes My Sleep

Well, on an up note, I got one of those fancy Wacom Bamboo tablets for my birthday. What does this mean? It means my pictures will no longer suck! Well, not as badly anyway. I'm pretty obsessed with this thing and I think it's going to help put inspiration back in me. This is me right now:

The Something of Something or Other

I am going to post something here at some point today. I'm not exactly sure what yet, but I figure this incomplete post announcing this fact will motivate me to actually do it.

UPDATE: Alright, I know.... I suck! I fail at life. I said I would blog consistently and it's been, what, like 3 weeks since I lasted posted. Trust me, I'm just as frustrated with myself as you are, or as I like to imagine you are. Maybe that's just me in denial telling myself that people actually read this blog and want to hear what I have to say. Even if no one does read this, I'm still very disappointed in myself. In fact, this is where I rank on the Awesome Scale of Awesomeness (which I will now use to rate everything).

I'm so un-awesome, I don't even deserve a rank (meanwhile Chuck Norris is so awesome he's above the ranking).

The reason I haven't posted lately is because I feel completely uninspired. It is as though every ounce of witty sarcastic humor have vacated my body. I think I exhausted it. Each time I go one Facebook, I try to think of something witty to post as my status and can come up with absolutely nothing. Sad, yes. This post in and of itself is so lacking of humor that simply writing it makes me feel as though I'm being mauled by a bear: a dull unimaginative word bear.

This is how I feel:

Anyway, I promise I'll get back to posting (especially since school is done) as soon humor reenters my body. Perhaps aliens will abduct me and insert it back into my body like a probe. Or maybe that's how I lost it..... O_o