I Know What's Wrong With Me!

So, pretty much my entire life, people have told me there is something wrong with me, whether it is due to my complete and total OCD or compulsion to overachieve on everything. The exact classification of my mysterious disorder has remained elusive to me for all these years. But at last, the truth has been revealed. I have (drum roll please)…. ADHD!

Okay, you may have been expecting something a little more spectacular, but this is exciting news to me. I finally know what's wrong with me. I took this test online about a week ago. I scored a 105, though I'm not sure what this number means. Is it a percent? Am I really more than 100% ADHD? It can't be that bad. I mean, it could be, but still. They should really just explain what the number means.

Anyway, I thought about blogging about this revelation the day I found out about it, but then I got distracted by Criminal Minds and cleaning my room and memorizing quotes for fun. I really do need help, don't I? Well, now I can blame the ADHD. So, what exactly qualifies me for this grand disability , you may ask? I compiled a list:

NOTE: These were all questions on the test in which I was required to mark as Very True, all the way down the scale to Untrue.

1. I am ALWAYS moving. When I'm sitting down, I physically can't not move my hands for legs. If I stop, I suddenly become aware of a tingling and heaviness in my limbs.

2. I get unbelievably annoyed by minor things that should not annoy me. Anyone who knows me can testify to this. It pretty much happens on a daily basis. If someone mispronounces something, it will literally ruin my entire day. Just today, my chemistry lab sent me into near mental breakdown because it was not cooperating at all.

3. I can’t decide in which order to complete a series of tasks. Before I decided on doing this blog post, I went through and started several different ideas. This is also going on my third hour of typing this due to the fact that I keep switching back and forth between ideas. Even when doing homework, I start working on one subject and get bored with it so I switch to another. As I work on that subject, I think about how I should be doing Subject 1 and how it would just be easier if I finished Subject 1 first, so I get nothing accomplished on Subject 2 and switch back to Subject 1. Besides, I can always finish it in the morning. Of course, then I start watching TV or blogging and end up getting nothing accomplished, forcing me to cram both in the morning during my free period.

4. I have a temper. This goes along with point #2 but just to let it sink in, I'm telling you guys twice. I get seriously annoyed and angry at stupid things. Like the fact that I CAN'T TYPE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!! My backspace button is getting way more exercise than it should.

5. I really like applesauce and I want some right now. In fact, I'm going to stop typing and get myself some applesauce. On the way to my fridge, I'll probably get distracted by my book laying on the table and decide to read a few pages then get applesauce, then go put some of my laundry away, then plunk away on my keyboard, then realize I still haven't finished my blog post, and THEN come back and finish it. Wow, I got winded just typing that.

5. I say things without thinking and later regret having said them. I do not think before I speak. I speak with whatever thought is on my mind in complete sardonic and often brutal honesty. My impulse to talk first, think later, has made a lot of people dislike me. Not that I really care what people think of me, but it has still made certain situations much more difficult than the needed to be.

6. I'm always on the go. Yet another one of my problems is that I seem incapable of saying the word "no." This is a serious problem but I'm fairly sure there's no disease that causes this. Just insanity. No matter how much I have going on in my life, I always seem to find room to bury myself more and get myself involved in some sort of pointless activity which I don't even enjoy doing. I seriously need help.

7. I love daydreaming. I mean who doesn't? The difference, however, is that some people do it occasionally and know when to stop. I daydream all the time. Whether I am thinking of a blog post or writing my novels in my head or coming up with mental lists of things to do (and getting completely overwhelmed by them until by brain seems to synapse and shut down all functions), I never focus. Most the time, I hear a sort of white noise in the background of what I'm supposed to be listening to, but I don’t actually hear it. There have been many instances where I have actually held conversations while zoning out, then had absolutely no idea what was said.

So that is what is wrong with me. At least I know why I am the way I am now. My life is not so completely mysterious. Perhaps this discovery can give me some order to my life and help me resolve my issues. Eh… Probably not.

Luckily, I am way too motivated and determined to let this defeat me. I'm just lucky I'm so dedicated to schoolwork. If it weren't for my awesome self discipline, I probably wouldn't do half as well at school. Maybe everything about me isn't completely messed up.

Treacherous Traveling Tips

As most of you probably know (considering those that are reading this blog at point are all people I know), I recently went on a European expedition to Spain, Portugal, and Morocco, Africa. Now I know what you're all thinking: Awesome! Spanish food, hot Spanish men, flamenco dancers, the Mediterranean Sea, and bombings in Africa! That sounds like a blast. As much fun as these things were, there are a few things that the Travel Channel does not prepare you for while on a vacation abroad. Thus, I have put together the ultimate guide to travelling around the world. Okay, maybe not the world, but at least in the countries I went to.

1. Bring a rape whistle. In a foreign country, there is always the risk of some creepy man jumping out of a dark deserted alleyway and kidnapping you. So, always bring a rape whistle. You can actually even get those fancy backpacks that have one built in.

2. Don't trust the milk. Europe does not believe in milk, at least not the normal healthy kind we do. Europe believes in thick creamy milk that is somewhere crossed between coffee creamer and whole milk. IN addition, they do not believe in cold milk. Their milk is simply left to sit fermenting on the counter, breeding who knows how many germs and e-coli bacteria. I'm not even sure the milk was from a cow. It was probably from a llama or maybe a camel. Either way, not my first choice of milk to drink.

3. Crossing streets=dangerous. In Europe, the only thing more dangerous than creepy rapists waiting around every corner, is the traffic. Here, pedestrians DO NOT have the right-of-way. If you are in the road, a car will hit you. This leaves you with the option of either A) walking way out of the way to find a crosswalk, as they are far and few between, or B) taking your life into your hands by skillfully running through the gaps between the cars. On the plus side, my European experience gave me the perfect opportunity to perfect my sense of timing. You'd be surprised how much the threat of painful death or extreme injury can rapidly improve your physical capabilities. By the way, there are no speed limits in Europe. Not one sign exists. This therefore transforms the cars from normal vehicles into speeding missiles of death.

4. Bring a face mask and a lot of Axe. So I know it may seem like the worst smell in the world is the overpowering scent of guys when they feel the need to drown themselves in cologne, but trust me, in Europe, you're going to be the one forcing your man into a bathtub filled with Axe so it permeates his skin and will give off the odor for the remainder of your trip. Wow, longest sentence ever. This smell would be a relief to the incessant overpowering smell of smoke that seems to follow you EVERYWHERE in Europe. Unlike America, there are no laws against smoking in public facilities, and to make it worse, everyone smokes. I swear I even saw a baby smoking. Well, maybe not, but it wouldn't surprise me if I had seen it. The smoke hangs in the hair like an angry cloud of gnats that follows you everywhere. It clogs your nose and soaks into your skin and clothes making it to where you need to takemultiple shows and do multiple loads of laundry to get it out. If you travel to Europe, this is something you can't avoid, but you can, however, save your lungs from blackening with lung cancer in the few days you are there. Where one of those lame hospital masks, even though you may look dumb. But hey, most natives think tourists looks like idiots anyway, so it really doesn't matter.

5. Pick the right payphone. Choosing a payphone to call home on is a very critical decision which should be made with great care. Why is this decision so important? When talking on a pay phone, time is critical considering each minute is wasting Euros, which translates into a lot more American dollars. This precious time should not wasted. So, don’t pick the pay phone outside of a night club with a crazy guy offering you free shots. Form experience, he will not go away when he sees you talking on the phone, but will instead be even more insistent and become even louder. He will also ensure the band in the club plays extra loud. Don't pick a pay phone that looks beat up.

More than likely, it won't work and you'll end up wasting about 10 minutes attempting to make it work, since we as humans seem incapable of admitting something is broken and we are not intelligent enough to conquer it. Don't go in the cool red, British phone booths. Yes, they make you look awesome and give you the feeling as though you are entering the Ministry of Magic, but they do not work. These booths were very unfriendly. My attempts at using them ending in a disappointing failure, and embarrassing arguments in the middle of a busy street with an inanimate object. Just stay clear of them.

<---------See how happy and cool I look in this picture with this awesome pay phone? Yeah, I'm really not talking to anyone. I'm only putting on a happy face and acting as thought I'm talking to someone for the sake of taking a picture of myself in one. There is no one on the other line other than my own mind yelling at the dumb phone booth.

In short, Europe is a wonderful place that is both exciting and dangerous. It will provide plenty of moments in which you will get ample opportunity to make a fool of yourself in front of other ethnicities, embarrassing your country. These are the moments that make Europe worth it. So put on your bets tourist clothes, strap that camera around your neck, and put on your rape whistle, and you're set to go!

To Set the Record Straight...

Some of you may have recently read a post preceding this one written by my so called "friend." For the sake of this blog and his own humility, we'll leave his alias as Poncho. As much as I may hate to admit it, he is my friend, though I have yet to really discover why at times. Though his post was somewhat accurate, I feel the need to correct several things.

1. His grammar is atrocious! For someone who calls himself brilliant, he honestly does not know how to use punctuation very well. As chief of the grammar police, it was all I could do to the leave the post unedited for the sheer purpose of making fun of it later.

2. Going well with the topic above, Poncho described himself as "highly intelligent" and "under ambitious." The latter is true, however, I protest to the first. I cannot deny that Poncho is an intelligent individual, depending upon your definition of intelligent. He knows random facts that seem useless in life, yet somehow always manages to use them against me. Due to this, his is unbelievably and annoyingly good at making things up on the spot to make himself seem smart. However, he wastes this natural gift with laziness and complete lack of desire to succeed.

3. Did anyone notice he spelled his name two different ways? Poncho and Pancho? Well, which is it?! I've decided to keep it Poncho. Pancho reminds me too much of a combination between a poncho and panda. I imagine it to look something like this:

4. Poncho is clearly very humble don't you think? Not! Dashing good looks? More like overbearing vanity. Hair is the object of his obsession, whether it be his own or someone else's'.

These were just a few crucial facts I felt the need to share in order to fairly represent my humble friend Poncho, who likes to exaggerate things a bit to the max. Hopefully, any lack of posting on my part will not lead to his interference in my blog. If that happens, STOP READING! Who knows what could possibly come up if Poncho decides to begin posting on a regular basis. If nothing else, grammar-phobics like myself may simply be forced into a state of insanity.

Message of a Friend

This is Ambers highly intelligent , under ambitious friend who shall be named Poncho. Let me say over the past year I have observed Ambers over active obsessive need to be more than perfect in everday life. This has been rather entertaining to watch and at times very dangerous. However if Amber ever manages to capture the insane aspects of her eccentricities into a semi active blog then I would readily endorse that blog. However annoying at times, and even though she fails to understand that violence is not the answer, she is a talented writer with an interesting view of life. It is a little bit of a mystery as to whether Amber will keep her promise or whether, I, Pancho, hacker extrodinaire will have to make pick up the slack and make some posts myself. But chances are this blog will experience a sudden increase in posts per months.
So chances are if you've read this blog you know a little bit about Amber. Please allow a moment for my own totally sincere, humble, and un biased introduction. I am latin american with flowing black hair, that would be the envy of most any man. My dashing good looks are marred only by my irresistible charm, and an award winning sense of humor. and I have an affinity for masked affairs which is why I am called Pancho. I am the only person with male genitalia, to garner even the tiniest ounce of respect from McDaniel which is a nearly impossible task. I will always try represent the truth, to undermine Ambers opinion, and to annoy Amber by calling her a silly little girl at any available moment.
Viva la justicia
Pancho.

Does Failing at Failure Make Me the Ultimate Failure?

Dear Blog,

I would like to apologize for being so abusive lately. I realize that I haven’t posted anything on here in nearly 3 months. You probably assume I hate you and are about ready to perform the Internet equivalent of slitting your wrists. If you were a baby, child services would have come to my house and pried you from my desperate arms. I'm sorry. It will not happen again.

Truly,

Amber

I felt the need to write this apologetic post to my blog because I have neglected it. But that's in the past! I promise I'm going to blog on a regular basis from now on, even though I have a total of four followers at this point. You know what? When this blog becomes more popular, people will go back and read all of my older posts and say, "Wow, she has so many more followers now!" At least, that's how it goes in the perfect scenario of my brain, which experience has taught me is the opposite of what happens in life. Just watch, now that my brain thought this, I will start losing followers, which is nearly impossible, so it would be an impressive thing to achieve.

Alright, on to why I decided to reenter the world of blogging. A) I have no life. Today, my mom bailed on seeing a movie with me. That's just pathetic. Not only do I not have time or energy to call friends to go see one, but I get bailed on….by my mother! Now is a good time to considering flushing my head down a toilet. B) It is a major confidence boost to pretend that people actually care about what I think, even if none of you do. C) I am officially sick and tired of bending to the rules of high school. Why must I dedicate ALL of my time to homework which would be just as good if I spent half the time on it. Why must I get myself involved in so many things at once, when I find no enjoyment in some of them. I'll tell you why. It’s because I'm sick. I have a mental disease which renders me incapable of saying no. I also have this paralyzing fear of failure making me assume that if I spend extra time on everything, I will never fail in my life, which is very untrue. Still, let me believe that it is.

But you know what? I'm taking a stand against this scholarly oppression. Instead of sitting here doing homework for hours on end, I'm going to refuse. I am refusing and it feels good. Instead, I'm sitting here blogging. You hear that homework? Yeah, that's right. My blog now comes before you. So you can suck it and go feed yourself to my dogs (This is extra funny because my dogs actually have eaten my homework before).

This is liberating. I feel great right now. It's as though a weight has been lifted from my chest. Oh, who am I kidding. It's like I've added a million pounds instead. I can't pretend I don't care. That's not me! Curse my stupid overachieving OCD fear of failing personality.

No, no I must be strong. I must hold my ground. Resist the urge. AHHH!!! It's calling me. I can hear the Albert Einstein calling me to do my chemistry homework (it seemed appropriate for my mind to imagine the voice of Albert Einstein to personify chemistry).

As this post comes to a close, I find myself in a depressed state knowing I won't be able to resist the urge to do something productive. Well, I'm going to surrender and go do my homework. Yeah, yeah I know I'm weak because I actually want to succeed with my life, get into a good college and be successful. I fail at failing. What kind of sick person am I?

PS- I may have failed miserably at my protest against homework (which lasted a total of 4 minutes) but I promise I will not neglect this poor blog for so long. I WILL blog. If I don't, those who actually take the time to read this blog (thanks guys! At least some people find me funny) can chose some horribly painful or embarrassing torture to inflict upon me. Yeah, making this promise was definitely a smart idea. After all, who doesn't love a good torture session? Oh right… me.

LOL!!!! (not)

You know what I hate? Texting! What moron ever decided that putting a messaging source for anytime of the day on a phone was a good idea? For one thing, as a student, they cause nothing but problems. Teachers seem to think that we are "cheating" by texting other students, when, honestly, we are texting our parent. Yes that right… our parents. As sad and almost pathetic as this fact is, it's the truth. Yet, it matters not to teachers. They take our phones anyway and then our parents yell at us for getting our phones taken away. Really? You've got to be kidding me! It's a futile battle that simply ends up spinning around and around in a vicious circle.

In addition, texting gives people you have absolutely no desire to talk to the ability to start a conversation with you whenever they please. And it's not as simple as ignoring a phone call. "Oh sorry I missed your call. I was in a movie." Does this excuse work for texting? Nope! Because texting can be done silently and it is thus expected that one texts back. So then you are left with the internal debate of just stopping the conversation and risk angering the person, or keep suffering in misery. Now, if you chose the first option, you should always think of an excuse so when you next talk to said person and they ask why you didn't text them back, you have a more intelligible answer than "I- Gah- Duhhhhhh," (lights self on fire). So here is a list of excuses that are sure to work:

- The Lame Excuse: Sorry my phone died.

- The Distraction: Oh I'm sorry, I just… Hey! Is that a unicorn?!

- The Turnaround: What text? You never replied to mine. This is all your fault!

- The Phone Death: Sorry, my phone self destructed

- The Theft: A ninja came and took my phone!

- The Nerd Reference: My phone turned into a Transformer.

- The Discovery: I found the door to Narnia. Turns out there isn't cell service there.

- The Never Fail: Chuck Norris threatened me and said if I didn't give him my phone, he would kill me with his pinky finger.

Now, if you have managed to still love your phone's text messaging capabilities at this point, I'm hoping this last point will ruin it for you. If not… get off this blog and go do something more meaningful with your life. Like texting! OMG! How exciting! So this leads me straight into my next point. Text lingo. OMG! 4COL! TIGAS? LOL! See how dumb I just sounded? Well that's how dumb about 90% of teenagers sound these days. I mean, what did I even just say> Does anyone know? I thought the point of texting was to help convey messages faster. Now I have to spend like twenty minutes looking up abbreviations to figure out what the stupid things even says. And what's worse, not only is it present in text messages, but it is now appearing in everyday conversation. When I hear "OMG, he is, like, so lame. But whatevs. I'll BRB," I want to rip my head off. That makes us sound so intelligent. You know, I think future employers are really going to appreciate that on you application. Yet, as much as I try, this one blog post isn't going to change anything. Instead, the most I can do is provide a list of common text lingo abbreviations and their true meanings to save time for those of us who hate decoding every message.

-LOL: I have nothing left to talk about but I don't want to stop talking so I'm going to keep saying this even though absolutely nothing is funny.

-OMG: Wow it is shocking how much I don't care about your stupid problems or gossip you're trying to tell me.

- BRB: The nice way of getting out a conversation without really getting out of it (A.K.A- I don't want to talk to you)

- IDK: I really do know but I don't feel inclined to tell you or explain it to you.

- LMAO: I'm trying to feed your ego by making you think you're really funny, but actually, you're not.

- TTYL: I'm trying to be polite by telling you I want to talk again soon. In reality, I will not talk to you again until I have to.

- GTG: I "have to go." Sorry, I guess I have to stop talking. Dang.

- L8R: I'm too lazy to spell out two extra letters.

- K: I'm angry with you and I don't want to talk to you. So I'm using short words to convey my anger. Hopefully, you'll get the hint and shut up.

Well, I GTG. TTYL! L8R! Seriously, this just needs to stop.

The Alien Argument

Today, for some odd reason, the topic of aliens popped into my head, like many thoughts do at random. I began to think back on all the times I had gotten into debates over the possibility of aliens existing and I still can't believe how close minded we as humans really are. So many of us don't believe in extra terrestrials and many that do simply believe it because they think it's funny to argue a seemingly idiotic idea. My point is, even those who pretend to believe, deep down, don’t. But why shouldn't we believe? Are we as humans so naïve to think that we are the only forms of intelligence in the entire universe? The content of space is too great to even fathom. Imagine you are looking at the night sky. Each of those tiny twinkling stars is another solar systems that contains who knows how many planets. We can't even reach the planet next to our let alone other solar systems. And who knows… perhaps there are other galaxies beyond our own. These mysteries of space are so vast that even with the most advanced technology we won't be able to decipher them. With this vast region of space, there must be other planets with intelligent life forms. What makes us so special? I suppose it's simply the human ego coming out in all of us to think that only we are deserving. Typical…