Dear Blog,
I would like to apologize for being so abusive lately. I realize that I haven’t posted anything on here in nearly 3 months. You probably assume I hate you and are about ready to perform the Internet equivalent of slitting your wrists. If you were a baby, child services would have come to my house and pried you from my desperate arms. I'm sorry. It will not happen again.
Truly,
Amber
I felt the need to write this apologetic post to my blog because I have neglected it. But that's in the past! I promise I'm going to blog on a regular basis from now on, even though I have a total of four followers at this point. You know what? When this blog becomes more popular, people will go back and read all of my older posts and say, "Wow, she has so many more followers now!" At least, that's how it goes in the perfect scenario of my brain, which experience has taught me is the opposite of what happens in life. Just watch, now that my brain thought this, I will start losing followers, which is nearly impossible, so it would be an impressive thing to achieve.
Alright, on to why I decided to reenter the world of blogging. A) I have no life. Today, my mom bailed on seeing a movie with me. That's just pathetic. Not only do I not have time or energy to call friends to go see one, but I get bailed on….by my mother! Now is a good time to considering flushing my head down a toilet. B) It is a major confidence boost to pretend that people actually care about what I think, even if none of you do. C) I am officially sick and tired of bending to the rules of high school. Why must I dedicate ALL of my time to homework which would be just as good if I spent half the time on it. Why must I get myself involved in so many things at once, when I find no enjoyment in some of them. I'll tell you why. It’s because I'm sick. I have a mental disease which renders me incapable of saying no. I also have this paralyzing fear of failure making me assume that if I spend extra time on everything, I will never fail in my life, which is very untrue. Still, let me believe that it is.
But you know what? I'm taking a stand against this scholarly oppression. Instead of sitting here doing homework for hours on end, I'm going to refuse. I am refusing and it feels good. Instead, I'm sitting here blogging. You hear that homework? Yeah, that's right. My blog now comes before you. So you can suck it and go feed yourself to my dogs (This is extra funny because my dogs actually have eaten my homework before).
This is liberating. I feel great right now. It's as though a weight has been lifted from my chest. Oh, who am I kidding. It's like I've added a million pounds instead. I can't pretend I don't care. That's not me! Curse my stupid overachieving OCD fear of failing personality.
No, no I must be strong. I must hold my ground. Resist the urge. AHHH!!! It's calling me. I can hear the Albert Einstein calling me to do my chemistry homework (it seemed appropriate for my mind to imagine the voice of Albert Einstein to personify chemistry).
As this post comes to a close, I find myself in a depressed state knowing I won't be able to resist the urge to do something productive. Well, I'm going to surrender and go do my homework. Yeah, yeah I know I'm weak because I actually want to succeed with my life, get into a good college and be successful. I fail at failing. What kind of sick person am I?
PS- I may have failed miserably at my protest against homework (which lasted a total of 4 minutes) but I promise I will not neglect this poor blog for so long. I WILL blog. If I don't, those who actually take the time to read this blog (thanks guys! At least some people find me funny) can chose some horribly painful or embarrassing torture to inflict upon me. Yeah, making this promise was definitely a smart idea. After all, who doesn't love a good torture session? Oh right… me.
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