I Know What's Wrong With Me!

So, pretty much my entire life, people have told me there is something wrong with me, whether it is due to my complete and total OCD or compulsion to overachieve on everything. The exact classification of my mysterious disorder has remained elusive to me for all these years. But at last, the truth has been revealed. I have (drum roll please)…. ADHD!

Okay, you may have been expecting something a little more spectacular, but this is exciting news to me. I finally know what's wrong with me. I took this test online about a week ago. I scored a 105, though I'm not sure what this number means. Is it a percent? Am I really more than 100% ADHD? It can't be that bad. I mean, it could be, but still. They should really just explain what the number means.

Anyway, I thought about blogging about this revelation the day I found out about it, but then I got distracted by Criminal Minds and cleaning my room and memorizing quotes for fun. I really do need help, don't I? Well, now I can blame the ADHD. So, what exactly qualifies me for this grand disability , you may ask? I compiled a list:

NOTE: These were all questions on the test in which I was required to mark as Very True, all the way down the scale to Untrue.

1. I am ALWAYS moving. When I'm sitting down, I physically can't not move my hands for legs. If I stop, I suddenly become aware of a tingling and heaviness in my limbs.

2. I get unbelievably annoyed by minor things that should not annoy me. Anyone who knows me can testify to this. It pretty much happens on a daily basis. If someone mispronounces something, it will literally ruin my entire day. Just today, my chemistry lab sent me into near mental breakdown because it was not cooperating at all.

3. I can’t decide in which order to complete a series of tasks. Before I decided on doing this blog post, I went through and started several different ideas. This is also going on my third hour of typing this due to the fact that I keep switching back and forth between ideas. Even when doing homework, I start working on one subject and get bored with it so I switch to another. As I work on that subject, I think about how I should be doing Subject 1 and how it would just be easier if I finished Subject 1 first, so I get nothing accomplished on Subject 2 and switch back to Subject 1. Besides, I can always finish it in the morning. Of course, then I start watching TV or blogging and end up getting nothing accomplished, forcing me to cram both in the morning during my free period.

4. I have a temper. This goes along with point #2 but just to let it sink in, I'm telling you guys twice. I get seriously annoyed and angry at stupid things. Like the fact that I CAN'T TYPE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!! My backspace button is getting way more exercise than it should.

5. I really like applesauce and I want some right now. In fact, I'm going to stop typing and get myself some applesauce. On the way to my fridge, I'll probably get distracted by my book laying on the table and decide to read a few pages then get applesauce, then go put some of my laundry away, then plunk away on my keyboard, then realize I still haven't finished my blog post, and THEN come back and finish it. Wow, I got winded just typing that.

5. I say things without thinking and later regret having said them. I do not think before I speak. I speak with whatever thought is on my mind in complete sardonic and often brutal honesty. My impulse to talk first, think later, has made a lot of people dislike me. Not that I really care what people think of me, but it has still made certain situations much more difficult than the needed to be.

6. I'm always on the go. Yet another one of my problems is that I seem incapable of saying the word "no." This is a serious problem but I'm fairly sure there's no disease that causes this. Just insanity. No matter how much I have going on in my life, I always seem to find room to bury myself more and get myself involved in some sort of pointless activity which I don't even enjoy doing. I seriously need help.

7. I love daydreaming. I mean who doesn't? The difference, however, is that some people do it occasionally and know when to stop. I daydream all the time. Whether I am thinking of a blog post or writing my novels in my head or coming up with mental lists of things to do (and getting completely overwhelmed by them until by brain seems to synapse and shut down all functions), I never focus. Most the time, I hear a sort of white noise in the background of what I'm supposed to be listening to, but I don’t actually hear it. There have been many instances where I have actually held conversations while zoning out, then had absolutely no idea what was said.

So that is what is wrong with me. At least I know why I am the way I am now. My life is not so completely mysterious. Perhaps this discovery can give me some order to my life and help me resolve my issues. Eh… Probably not.

Luckily, I am way too motivated and determined to let this defeat me. I'm just lucky I'm so dedicated to schoolwork. If it weren't for my awesome self discipline, I probably wouldn't do half as well at school. Maybe everything about me isn't completely messed up.